he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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