i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
