i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
