my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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