I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
