So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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