I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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