I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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