I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
