ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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