I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
