It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
