Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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