I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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