I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
my liver is dry heaving
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
