Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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