Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
