I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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