I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
