I just made out with a guy for $7.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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