singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
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i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
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First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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