let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
