imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
