and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
