I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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