So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
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Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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