By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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