I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize