That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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