Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
