I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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