this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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