Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
