why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
