Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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