i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize