Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize