She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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