There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I die, sorry about rent.
We are all done wearing pants today
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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