i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
