When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
