Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
