I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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