So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
