i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
