Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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