He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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