u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
