We got so high we made milksteak
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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