I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
did you just send me my own nude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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