i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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