her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
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It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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