jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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