Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
