i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
