end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
