I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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