she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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