Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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