Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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