last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
