There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I looked at my own cervix.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
